Reflection
I changed my blog title.
I am thinking that midlife has begun some changes in me. Changes in my thinking, changes in my beliefs, changes in my attitude, changes in my behavior. I believe they are changes for the better.
Lately, I find myself quite often replying to others questions with, "I don't know". In the recent past, I can't remember NOT having an answer for nearly every question posed to me. Not that I was a know it all, I just had an opinion on EVERYTHING. If I was stumped by a question, I would talk endlessly about possible reasons WHY I did not have an answer.
It may be that I don't have the energy to solve the world's problems anymore. Why I ever thought I could, is beyond me. Possibly, I have realized that I don't have to have all the answers and that even if I did, my solutions won't be the answer for everyone else's life questions. We are all responsible for finding our own answers. Maybe I just realized that it is not my job to have all the answers. I have concluded that all those around me will reap the benefit of searching for their own truth and finding solutions for themselves. Life is so much better when you experience it yourself, in leui of living vicariously through others.
So I have laid to rest She Who Must Be Obeyed and am Living Life Simply from this moment on. I no longer pretend to have control over those things in my life that are separate entities. I do have influence, but thinking I control them is pointless. I am living by a new mantra these days... Keep It Simple, Sugar or KISS. The sugar reminds me to be sweet and kind to others as I encounter them. I read a revision of the Serenity Prayer that applies to my new way of thought.
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the one person I can
And the wisdom to know that person is me
I have resolved that I will change my world by changing the one thing I control and that would be me. I am anxiously awaiting the fall out that inevitably occurs when one dynamic of a family structure is altered. It may be good, but I expect it will be not so good, early on. I am ready in any case.
JJ told me the closer you get to 50, the better life is. I am looking forward to the big 50 and I LOVE MY GRAY HAIR! Age and maturity are not so bad after all. JJ was so right!
