Not the Merriest of Christmas', so far...

This Christmas has been plagued with troubles. I wonder if that is just the nature of aging and watching those we love age as time marches on for each of us or maybe, just the troubled times we find ourselves in this year.

Many of my people have experienced illness, loss, and suffering. In essence, Murphy's Law has been alive and well this Christmas.

I dreamed of a beautiful Christmas repleat with merry-making, joyful times, playing outside in our new yard in the sunshine, happy times making happy memories to be fondly remembered as our "first" Christmas in our beautiful home.

The weather is not cooperating. No snow, no sunshine, just cold rain is predicted. Not the scenario I have dreamed of since moving here. I planned to have family here, but the weather will probably keep our Christmas dinner to a bare minimum this year, possibly only my little family.

Our children have outgrown the "Santa" thing, so the magic seems to have diminished considerably.

Several of my family have been experiencing depression. Nothing I can do about that, but it is quite difficult to watch someone you love so much, be tortured from within, at such a beautiful time of year. Tends to be contagious and depression sets in around my heart, as well.

Many people are no longer with us this Christmas and grief at the holidays is so tough to deal with. No way to get around that one. Just gotta go through it.

Finacial worries plague nearly everyone I know. Times are tough right now for so many people.

Little things that go wrong seem to be magnified. Add to that the hormone factor and my life seems pretty troubled this season.

The beloved Christmas tunes that I cherish so much, that have played throughout my house for weeks now, will soon be coming to an end.

I am going to revisit How the Grinch Stole Christmas and learn how to be a Who in Whoville. Learn how to keep Christmas joy from being stolen from my heart. This is the first Christmas I can remember that I have had to fight so hard to stay merry.

But my resolve is solid. It is going to be a happy Christmas for me. I am determined to make it so. To appreciate the good that is my life. To recognize the blessings that have been showered on my family. To understand that even when life is tough, it is still worth the effort to enjoy. To be thankful for what is, for it could easily be so much worse.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus. It is a Wonderful Life and there is Joy to the World to be shared by all.

To quote from one of my favorite writings:
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Wishing you all a very merry Christmas this year. May your days be merry and bright and may we all remember What a Wonderful World it is, in which we live.

May His love fill us in this sweet season and carry us through the coming year. May we all keep Christmas in our hearts everyday of the year and not only count our blessings, but share them, and in doing so, spread the love of our Saviour and God to those who need it, whenever they need most, every single day of our lives.

"God bless us, everyone!"

"Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Our New Home

Here they are...finally! Photos of our new home. Please excuse the Rubbermaid containers that are still lying around with stuff in them to unpack. It is still a work in progress.

Let me state from the beginning that Callie's room is clean and has stayed that way since we moved in. Her room is decorated with her beloved horses as a theme. Western all the way for that girl.

Grace's room is for lack of a better term, eclectic and new age. It is a little messy, but she comes in second on the clean room competition.

Micah's room is easy to spot dispite the camoflauge literally EVERYWHERE he could find a place to place it. He got a really bad grade for neatness and his room has only been clean a couple of times since moving in.

Our master bedroom is clutter with the boxes of stuff aforementioned.

The kitchen is usually not buried under layers of clean, freshly washed dishes, but I took these photos after our dinner party and since our dishwasher is not here yet, I am washing by hand and letting them air dry.

A couple of other places you might see an ramdom box or two whose contents haven't found a home yet. However, if I waited until it was perfect the photos would never happen.

I love the tranquilty of the living room. I can feel my BP drop and my heart rate slow the longer I sit there by my tree. Another favorite place is the den with a roaring fire in the fire place. My overall favorite is the kitchen. Most of you who have been to our former home know that my kitchen there was smaller than most galleys on boats, so I am still trying to determine the best place for everything, since there are so many options for placement. Just so many places to love in this house!

Our home sits on a gererous 1.7 acres of land. How unheard of is that? We have so much space inside and out and we are loving every minute of it!

So if you are ever in Fort Deposit, Alabama drop by and pay us a visit at 210 Golson Road. We would love to have the company!

We have as our esteemed guest this night a stranger. We don't know him and there is a unique feeling that accompanies inviting a total stranger into your home to spend the night with your family. I am glad I experienced it.

His name is Garth Poorman and he hails from Hebron, New York. He began walking from New York on August 29 and over 1300 miles later, he arrived on my doorstep.

I read his story in the Greenville Advocate and asked my family what they thought of inviting him in. They all agreed it would be fun so I emailed Garth. He phoned me and it was all set.

He arrived at 2pm today, showered and settled into his room to document and blog his trip. Callie graciously gave up her room for him while she bunks with pesky, little sister tonight. I invited another family to join us for dinner, so at 6:30 Stan, Tina, William, and Anna Foster arrived for Jewell Conway's Camp Stew. I added biscuits, crackers, and wheat rolls and Tina brought some delicious Chocolate Chess Pie.

We had a delightful meal with much interesting conversation. We are Garth's 83rd host family and since leaving NY he has only had to stay in a hotel 3 times. How's that for a great record. He has three more weeks on the road, even missing Christmas with his family all to prove that human kindness abounds and that compassionate people are everywhere. He is walking for kindness and walking half way across America to prove it exists. I think it quite admirable.

After dinner, dessert, and coffee I received a phone call from a friend of mine who is editor of the Lowndes Signal. He wanted to interview Garth and me for an article in the paper. Garth will also publish an online book of essays that tell about his travels and hopefully, we will be worthy of a mention.

We didn't know him when he walked up to our door, but we feel now that we have a lifelong friend that lives in Hebron, NY.

Mama always said it pays to be kind.

December 7th-Pearl Harbor Day

Most Americans remember this day as a day of horror, shock, and tragedy because of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Our family remembers this day for something more in addition to Pearl Harbor. Ed Biagi left us on this day many years ago and we still remember like it was yesterday.

Celebrating Callie

All my deliveries began the same mundane way. There was no gush of fluid loss and screams of "It's time, it's time!". No, just simple, quiet, slow leaking that was almost an imperceptable signal that the time as a "couple" that my baby and I had enjoyed, was coming to an end.

Micah was a C-section and the dr. and I had discussed trying a V-BAC delivery, if possible. We knew a normal delivery would be essentially the same as a first time birth because of the C-section. We knew it would probably take awhile to get her here. We were ready. Or so we thought.

Nov. 21, 1996 the slow leak was no exception. I awoke with the now familiar trickle and began to prepare for the hospital visit that would ensue shortly. We got Micah to Grandmama and arrived in Montgomery that morning early. After admission, nothing was moving fast enough for the doctor so at 2:30 that afternoon, the pitocin drip began.

I labored all.through.the.night, until I awoke at around 5 am to the sounds of moaning and again, realizing it was me, called the nurse. She checked my dilation progress. She said in a very chipper voice as she held her hand in front of me to give me a visual, "You have dilated to about the size of the tip of my pinky finger". Are you kidding me? Pit drip all night, contractions all night, been laboring since 2:00 am the previous day...are you kidding me?

I grabbed the nurse by her jacket collar, pulled her face close to mine, then in a very menacing tone told her to call that doctor and tell him that I had to have SOMETHING DONE. I didn't care if he came to give me an epidural or if he came to do a C-section, but I was tired, very tired and I wanted relief! I think I borrowed a phrase from my SIL, Sherrie, who after 24 hours of labor told the doctor that she didn't care if they pulled the baby out of her nose, just get it here! (smile)

The doctor arrived at close to 5:30 and administered the epidural at which time dilation began in earnest.

The rest of labor was good, except I was too numb and it made me very nervous. Would have preferred a walking epidural, but live and learn. JJ and Michael kept sneaking saltines and Sprite into the room for me. I was starved after such a long labor and it did no harm, in fact made me feel better.

Finally, at a little after 11am the nurse calls in the doctor and it is time to push. At 11:35 on November 22, 1996 our sweet little Callie was born. Months earlier in an ultrasound, she had been sucking her left thumb and while being delivered, she was sucking her left thumb! And she never sucked it since, except to immulate others.

JJ told me to look at her fat thighs and one of the nurses scolded her for talking that way about the baby! She was a quiet baby and a good baby. She loved to cuddle (and still does).

We named her Callie Maria. My maternal grandmother was named Caroline Marie, whose nickname was Callie Mae. So to honor the memory of such a sweet and dear lady, we chose Callie Maria. It has proven to be a good choice in names. Callie is as sweet and dear as was my Grandmama.

She had to spend about a week on a biliblanket at home to take care of jaundice, but other than that, she was perfect and looked like a sweet, little, angel baby. She smiled all the time. Even when she cried, she would stop to smile if you smiled at her. Everyone called her a friendly baby or a smiley baby. She didn't engage in life in the beginning, just sat back, observed, and took it all in. She was almost a sleepy baby and still enjoys her sleep at night. Once she got the confidence to jump into life, she dove right in and has not slowed down.

I worked hard for Callie. I labored over 33 hours to get her here, but she is worth every.single.second. of it! She has sweetened our lives with her good heart and made every day richer and fuller with her presence. I hope that I am able to build in her the confidence that she is loved, just for who she is. That no matter how much she does or how much she doesn't do, my love for her is ever constant, never ending, unconditional, and all encompassing. Middle child syndrome may be an inevitability, but I do all I can to let her know that she has not got to do anything to keep us loving her. We just do!

Happy Birthday, dear Callie! Until the day you hold your own little one in your arms, you will never fully comprehend how very much I love you. It is impossible for me to do anything other. I hope you have a very happy day horseback riding or seeing New Moon...something that will make you smile so big your cheeks ache!

Love always,

Mama

Celebration!

Today, 11 years ago I was in labor and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my sweet daughter, Gracie.

She was by far my easiest birth. I had been in labor for several hours before needing Stadahl to take the edge off the pain. The meds were administered about noon that day. At 2:30 or so, the dr. came to give me my epidural, immediately after which I heard him tell the nurse that they needed to get me back into the bed because I was pushing. Only then did I realize that someone was groaning and that someone was me. The most powerful feeling had overtaken me...every fiber of my being was focused on pushing. It was something that I had always been too numb to feel before. It was so amazing to know that my body was busy doing just what it needed to do to deliver the baby!

So at 2:45, my baby girl made her grand entrance into this world. Before cutting the cord, Dr. Saucer showed us a knot in the umilical cord...he actually shoved his thumb up through it. He then tells us that at anytime during gestation, Gracie could have kicked or moved in a way that would have cinched it tight and cut off her supply of oxygen, food, etc...and she would not be here with us.

For nearly a month after, I would hold her close to me and cry and thank God that He protected her in my womb. The thought of losing her before I ever met her was devastating to me. So very thankful that God spared me that.

She was a fat little girl...my biggest child weighing in at 7lbs.,12oz. Immediately, I told JJ and Michael that I wanted to name her Grace Erin. Don't know where that came from...just popped into my head, and it was so.

We came home the next day and had to return to the hospital because Grace's billirubin count was dangerously elevated. They recommended putting her on formula to stimulate the livers enzymes to eliminate the jaundice. I was crushed as was Gracie. She had been a natural at breast feeding and she did not like the bottle or the formula. I would get two ounces in her and she would lose about half of that every time we fed. She cried constantly and I could not comfort her no matter how I tried. She was in a baby bed with the ultraviolet light shining on her little naked body. Finally, a nurse came in and found both Grace and me, crying uncontrollably. She tried to calm Gracie to no avail then turned to me and asked if I would let Gracie know that she was not going to have to be on that nasty formula forever? She of course, could not go against drs. orders and tell me to breastfeed her, so in her own way suggested that I do what my mama's heart told me was best for my child. I am still grateful to that wonderful woman for understanding the special bond between a mother and her baby! She was so wise and caring!

I picked up my precious baby and nursed her. She settled down right away and was soon sleeping soundly under her warm light in her soft bed. It was the right thing to do.

The next morning the dr. not knowing what kind of night we had, the good or the bad of it, came in with the results. My milk WAS good and it was OK to begin nursing again. Little did he know! (smile)

We brought her home to stay a day later and our little family was complete and all together!

She has brought so much joy to our lives. She is witty, funny, creative, passionate, dramatic, and fun-loving. She is unique in every way...her own person without a doubt. I cannot imagine life without my darling girl. She has been a delightful addition to our family for 11 years and we are so very thankful that we didn't lose her before birth.

God has watched over our family, been so sweet to us, and taken care of us in every way possible. He is our rock!

Happy birthday, Gracie! I look forward to many years of celebrations with you. I love you more than you will ever know...well, at least until you hold your own precious baby in your arms. Then you will know the all encompassing love that I feel for you.

Love, Mama

The Toilet Tissue Fairy Came To Our Home For Halloween!

We awoke on Monday morning, to a lawn filled with white streamers of toilet tissue hanging from our trees, shrubs and even our mailbox! The Fairy must have had many houses to decorate, since ours wasn't done until Sunday night!

We were delighted to find these decorations left by the Toilet Tissue Fairy! We were very honored that she even thought enough of us, that she left the eight rolls from which the tissue was dispensed!

We cleaned up most of it, but as you know, you can never quite reach all those pieces of paper dangling just above your reach, blowing in the wind, so some just have to be worn away by the weather.

No matter. They are just a reminder of our specialness...to be choosen for decorating by the Toilet Tissue Fairy!

Halloween on a Budget

Anyone who knows me, knows that lately my favorite phrase has been, "I can't afford it right now". I have never been a very private person about my humaness, along with all the life stories that go with it.

Money has been tight and at times, non-existant for us as of late...long story. Suffice it to say, it will all be OK as soon as we get this current job finished, so we can get paid.

I didn't want to deprive my children of Halloween decorations and fun, but couldn't justify replacing the old worn out decorations, considering the financial restraints we are currently experiencing.

So I broke out some of my Halloween themed magazines and found some really cute decorations that required only a little planning, a little effort, and a little time.

My girls and I made "Ghost Jugs" to line the walkway in front of our home. I notified everyone in the house, not to throw away any milk jugs, but to rinse them out and put them with the others. We saved bunches of plastic milk jugs. I cut a hole in the bottom of each with an Exacto knife. As I began the job of cutting out the holes, I quickly realized that someone had forgotten to "wash" some of the jugs! Nothing like old soured milk odor to get you in that Halloween, holiday mood! : )It reminded me of the phrase in "Thriller"...the funk of 40,000 years...lol. That was pretty smelly, but luckily I had plenty that were properly cleaned. The girls drew faces on the jugs, then we stuffed about 8 white lights (on a strand of 50, with bulbs about 6 inches apart ) into each of them and placed them outside to guard our home, through the long, Halloween nights.

What fun we had making them, how easy they were to make, and how proud are my girls to have been creative enough, to be the originators of such cute ghouls, to illuminate our front lawn.

I posted a picture to share with you how cute these little ghosties are. I hope to bring another easy, inexpensive Halloween decoration to you, that we plan to make with dowels, newspaper and trash bags. Keep watching for it...

How Do I Know If What I Am Doing Is The Right Thing To Do?

I am struggling with homeschooling. I don't know if what I am doing is the right thing to do.

How does one make a student CARE about his education? My son has been doing his typical mediocre work, where his studies are concerned. How do you motivate a person to do his best and take this seriously?

At this point, I am making him review his DVDs and retake quizzes UNTIL HE PASSES THEM, no matter how many times it takes. Is this the right venue? How will he ever be a self-sufficient person if I have to constantly follow behind and see that his work gets done? How will he ever feel "smart" enough, if I don't keep at him to LEARN these subjects that we have before us now, in order to lay the proper foundation for what is to come? This lack of knowledge will only exascerbate his difficulty in his future studies, if he does not master the material that is presently before him.

I don't know if I am enabling him to fail by staying on him to get this in his head or if I am dooming him by letting him fall short of what I know he needs to learn.
If I make him repeat this work, am I keeping him from maturing enough to do things on his own? Or, am I failing, as his teacher, by letting him fail and suffer the consequences?

I find myself at a loss and that is a place that is unfamiliar to me. I am so uncertain which is the proper path to take. If he doesn't clean his room, that will affect him for a time, but it will not alter his entire future, so I don't sweat that. If he fails, yet one more time on this school work, it could damage him in so many ways...both psychologically and physically, it can skew his future into something that he, nor I will be able to accept.

I am reminded of my English/Lit. teacher from high school. He would answer every question on our study sheet. He would give us the answers as he expected them to be, verbatim. There may be 100 questions on the study sheet and only 50 on the exam, itself. We HAD to learn all the answers in order to pass the exam, because we never knew which 50 we would find on that paper. If we did not make an acceptable grade, he would keep us in at P.E. or studyhall to repeat the test...until we passed with a grade, he thought appropriate. He FORCED us to learn the material or pay dearly for it in time spent taking the same test over and over. He is my inspiration for my theory of drumming this material into my son's head. But it was a different time then and I don't know if I am impeding my son's progress by holding him where he is, until the subjects are understood and remembered.

We are behind in his studies, but I am diligently working to get caught up. This has not been the school year either of us envisioned. He is even talking about the possibility of going back to school next year, so I know I am doing something right. By that, I mean this year has not been the piece of cake he thought it would be and that is encouraging.

I just wish I knew how to make him understand how this will affect his future. How it will impact his choices for further education, how it will make a difference in what career opportunities he will encounter, how it will matter to him someday, when he has a wife and children to support.

The one bright spot is this...I have learned from my shortcomings with my son and I am not repeating them with my girls. I no longer "do" projects for them, I no longer run home to get what they forgot to pack for school and drive the 13 miles, one way, to take it to them. Those days are gone and I know, they will be all the better for it. They are allowed to suffer the consequences of their actions and I am the soft place for them to fall, when things get hairy...the way it should be.

I don't think it is a parent's place to meet out punishment and discipline as much, as children grow older and become closer to plotting their own course in this big world. I think that the consequences they suffer at the hands of life (within reason) is usually all that is required. If the price life requires is painful enough to change their behaviour, then I am happy to be there to help them pick up the pieces and put it back together again. If life's consequence is too easy to overcome, discipline will be exacted by their parents.

My biggest fear is that I have coddled my son into a complacency that he will not be able to overcome. I pray that my wisdom has not come too late to be able to benefit him in the long run. That will be a difficult pill to swallow, indeed.

Successful Marriage-66 Years and Still Going Strong

I have uploaded photos of my parents for my niece, who is writing an article for a quarterly publication about families. This magazine highlights marriages that have lasted a lifetime...literally.

Her article is about my parents and she needed a photo of them, so Kristi...here are the ones I could get my hands on. I may have more,just have to download them to my computer. Let me know if these do not work! ♥

Talking to God

I keep several journals going at all times. I tell my children they will have such fun after I am gone, just trying to sort out my scribblings and put them into some semblance of chronological order. I leave a journal in the living room, by my bedside, one in the bathroom, and one in the kitchen. I have even thought about leaving one in my car! Thoughts or feelings will suddenly hit me and I feel compelled to write it down, knowing my feeble brain cannot possibly retain all that good information for too long...but my journals can.

Some of my best conversations with God are in those journals. On some pages, I find despair and wretchedness in my voice as I cry out to God for mercy or help. On others, there is pure bliss and gratitude and thankfulness for the goodness that is God and the blessings that He showers on me and my family. Still more, will be filled with angst and worry about some uncertainty in my world. As I flip through the pages of ink marks, inevitably I come across many pages that express my sincere appreciation for answered prayers.

As I was re-reading some of my old entries, I found that there was a pattern to the messages I had penned. In retrospect, I noticed how many of my prayers were nearly immediately answered with a resounding, "Yes". I found that many prayers were answered positively, but not as soon as I would have liked...in His time, my desire was filled. There were several requests that were answered with a flat and final, "No" and those were always followed by a pitiful entry, filled with whining and grumbling and wondering, "Where are you, God?" I felt as if God had let me down.

Looking back at the prayers that were met with negative results, I can now see the wisdom in the denial. I realize how much better things worked out because I didn't have my way. Instead, He had His. His way in His time is soooo much better than mine, because He can see the whole parade that is my life. He sees the beginning and the end and everything in between. He never forgets, like I do. I am learning to trust Him because He loves me and because He knows what is best for me and because He will never let me down. I used to feel as if I had let God down, but I think I finally got the message that HE IS GOD and I can't let Him down...there is not enough power on earth that I could possess to have that kind of effect on God. I can't let Him down, because it is He who holds me up with His righteous right hand.

My journals are a testament to the presence of my Creator, in my life. I can so readily and easily see, what was once so veiled and hidden from my view. I couldn't see the good that He had in store for me, when He told me no. I couldn't make out any good reason why He made me wait for somethings. But when I read my journals, it is like faith, in living color painted across the pages of my books. I see His justice being done on my behalf. I see the love He has for me and the care He takes with my family. I see how at times, He comforted me with dear friends and family members and at other times, He gave me His peace, in my aloneness. I see that when I am sad and weeping in misery, He is rocking me gently, until I am calm again. I see that I matter enough to Him, that He is ever present and ever active in my world. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He has always been here for me and that He always will be guiding me through this maze called life.

I encourage anybody who wants to strengthen their faith and their relationship with God to talk to Him, in black and white. I guarantee that when you look back through the posts, there will be more to be found, than just a bunch of words. Spoken words are easy to deny, but when you put it in ink, on paper, it becomes evidence of your convictions and makes you accountable, because the written word does not lie. What a priceless treasure to pass on to my children when I leave this earth. Books full of words of love for them and their father and a life map that can guide them to a greater faith in the God I serve. I cannot think of a better legacy to leave in my absence, but my words... from my heart to theirs, from my lips to God's throne.

The Story of the Cross (not your typical story)

There is a story that tells of a man who has a dream. In the dream, he meets Jesus. Jesus asks him why he is troubled and so burdened. The man replies that it is this cross that he has been asked to carry, it is too heavy. After the man whines a little more, Jesus opens a door to a room that is FULL of nothing but various sizes and shapes of crosses. Jesus invites the man to go inside and choose a cross that is more to his liking. After laying his cross at the door the man makes his way around the room testing and trying each cross to see if it better suits him. One was not sanded and wooden splinters dug into his skin. Another looked really small, but its size was deceiving..it was heavier than any other. The next was too long and awkward, the next too short and dumpy. Then he finally came across the perfect cross...perfect size, shape, weight...and the man looked up to Jesus and told him that this was the one. Jesus smiled and told him that was the cross he had originally walked into the room carrying. As the man scanned the room, he realized that he had indeed, gone full circle and picked up his own cross.

The moral is that often we don't realize how blessed we are and how good we have it, until we look around at the crosses others bear daily. That brings me to my blog message.

Right now, at this moment in time, my life is in upheaval. Not much is going well. Delays in production have all but halted our cash flow and we are in a constant state of waiting...waiting for this glitch to be worked out, waiting for this check to come in, waiting for all other crisis to end so that we can get back to our own nervous breakdown.

Still,in all that turmoil and the worry that has ensued, I am relatively at peace. Some days are better than others. The knot in my stomach is, on a good day, non-existant. On a not so good day, it feels like a white, hot, coal sitting in the pit of me. Today, I am at peace. It's a good day.

I have been reading the blogs that I follow and one group in particular is what I call my inspiration blogs. My "there, but for the grace of God, go I" blogs. They inspire me to not wallow in my self pity. They make me grateful for what I have and take my focus off the things that I don't. The strength of the women who pen these thoughts, motivates me to do more and be more and to live everyday with thanksgiving for what I am and what I have.

And when I take a good, long, hard look at my problems, they dim dramatically by comparison with these good ladies challenges. I am almost ashamed that I have allowed myself to be taken down by the stuff that life has thrown at me, when I know that any one of these women would gladly take my problems...if it meant they could have their child back from the grave and in their arms. If it meant their husband and children were once again alive and living with them, I am sure they would trade in a instant with me. The women who are fighting for their very lives everyday, in hopes of staying alive, long enough for doctors to find a cure. The ones who struggle daily with loved ones who are ill and who feel the strain of care giving 24/7. The ones who just have a really tough time finding a reason to stay here, at all, because of depression and misery. I have no doubt they would trade my penny ante problems for their own, in a NY minute. I have learned as I have grown older, that the calmer I remain, the better off I am. I learned that from these ladies who have and do endure suffering and live to tell about it.

So to these ladies, I express my deepest gratitude. In the sharing of your lives, you have inspired me to keep pushing, don't sweat the small stuff, keep it in perspective, and appreciate my blessings. I admire your bravery in allowing us a peek into your private, personal self, but more than that, I thank you for prompting me to become a better person, through your life stories.

You may or may not know who you are, but if this post resembles you and you are a part of my life...chances are you are who I am talking to. Whether you know it or not, you have inspired me to reach a little higher and walk a little taller and I thank you.

Honor and Respect in the Golden Years

My life (and the lives of my siblings) has been overtaken by the care of our parents, as of late. In the last few years, it has come in spurts, but when it hits, it REALLY takes over our existence as we know it.

My Mama is 86 and my Daddy is about to be 91 in October. What an accomplishment! To be on this earth that long and still be living independently! They are in good shape for their ages and until something goes wrong, they require little assistance. I might have to go change a light bulb that Mama can't reach without climbing on something, etc., but for the most part they are amazingly independent of us.

But as time marches on, they need us more and more. Following a surgery or one of Daddy's accidents, we are there 24/7 caring for them. It is tiring. Let me be honest...it is exhausting. The worry, being on call even when it is not your time to sit with them, the errands, the medication that needs to be administered all. day. long., taking care of their needs and comforts, scheduling our lives around when we need to relieve someone of their shift as caregiver...the list is endless and it is as emotionally taxing as it is physically. But we are there!

We are there, because we love, honor, and respect our parents. Surely, the inconveniences that we caused them, the stress, the strain of raising and supporting 6 children was just as great for them, as our care for them becomes at times, now for us. And not just us, but our children as well. They have invested time in the lives of our little ones, helping to shape them into the wonderful people they are. So it is with a glad heart and a spirit of gratitude for all they contributed to our well-being for all those years, that we freely give our time and attention to them, in these golden years of their lives.

However, we are not spring chickens anymore ourselves and the strain begins to wear us down, as the time drags on and they still need us there. So we have made the decision to seek out assistance. It is a difficult thing for my parents to accept that they need someone there with them, but WE need to feel that they are safe and have someone there to make certain they are doing well. We all have obligations that pull us away from them, children, jobs, life in general, that require us to be able to get back to some sort of normalcy.

So here we are. As my sister says, "It is, what it is" and this is our reality. We can only do the best that we know to do and for now, it is to seek out help, in order to allow them to keep their independence and live together in the home they have shared for over 50 years.

To my siblings...God bless you all for what you do and all you have done for Mama and Daddy. I truly don't know what an only child would do in our situation, but I am sooooo grateful that I don't have to know that first hand. In the midst of this latest turmoil, I know that you tried not to overburden me, because of my recent diagnosis. I know you have taken on the "lion's share" of the labor of love in caring for Mama and Daddy. Words are inadequate to express the appreciation that is in my heart. You made this time so much easier for me and I know that had to be so much more difficult on you. There is not enough I can even begin to say to thank you for your love and support of me. You are the best and I am so blessed to have you in my life.

As I have said before (and maybe,to remind myself)there will come a day when this will all be over and I know that I will wish with all my heart that I could take care of Mama and Daddy once again. As difficult as it can be at times, I know I will miss this so much, when they are gone.

The Time of Your Life

Autumn. It is my favorite time of year and it is approaching. I am revived and renewed by her cool, crisp nights, and days that feature white, fluffy clouds dancing with the wind in a bluer-than-blue sky. I begin to anticipate the changing colors that bedeck the trees and foliage, the pumpkins, apples, and squash that thrive in the cool temperatures of autumn. She plays hostess to my favorite holidays and I am looking forward to autumn's arrival. There is nothing wrong with that, but...

I realized recently, that I spend a lot of time anticipating things in my life and waiting for things to happen. I waste too much time allowing circimstance to dictate the outcome of my future. I have just eased along life's road and taken what was dealt me without question, without pause, without argument. Oh, I may have mumbled under my breath, but never uttered an audible word.

So, in essence, I have given away my power to happenstance. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but it happened. I got lost in the shuffle of my life and the chaos that surrounds it. I lost my best friend - me.

The good news is, I am finding her again. The bad news is, she is not the same as the younger version I left behind. It is a whole new relationship that I must forge with her. I do not know this person as well as the person she was before, but I am liking her.

She is not aggressive like the other Girl, but she is more assertive. She is not an angry person who can lose her cool in an instant, but she is more even tempered and shows more respect for those she loves. This new girl is less afraid of living her life instead of existing in it as the other Girl did. She is an adult and not afraid to act like one. She is so much more the person that I want to be. She still has some learning and growing to do, but I really like this person.

I have decided that I have to take care of me. What a silly thing to have to state, in writing or out loud, but I am so good at putting myself last, allowing everyone and everything to take precedence and it has been to my detriment. My diabetes has proven to me that I, and I alone can do what has to be done for me. I MUST do it to live a normal, healthy life. Some may find me selfish and to them I say yes, yes I am. Because I must be to regain and maintain my health.

So, my new mantra is ~ It is my diabetes, it is my life. That is to say, that I fully understand that I contributed to my disease, but I am taking charge of my life to control and manage it, from this point on.

I am focusing on living in the here and now because today, this day is the time of my life and I intend to make the most of it.

I am still not used to the idea that I am a diabetic, but it is growing on me. I am adjusting to the daily finger pricks, but the execise it not coming along like it should. The food thing, well, that is another story entirely. I don't know how many carbs I am supposed to have a day,

How Quickly Life Changes...

Welcome to my Pity Party!

I reread my post on June 30th and wondered if I could be any different from that person who exuded joy in trial and faith and trust in adversity. My life was no rosier then than it is now, but we have had some strange turn of events that have altered, hopefully temporarily, my state of mind.

At a yearly check up with my doctor, he asked the usual questions and I obliged him with my answers and at the end of the conversation, he told me that he believes me to be diabetic. I was shocked, to say the least. I must admit that a couple of weeks ago, I made mention to Michael that I wondered if I might have diabetes, but he helped me explain away any symptoms I was exhibiting and I readily agreed with him and so, had put it out of my mind. I won't know with any certainty until the lab work is completed, but I trust my doctor and he has never been wrong before with his pre-lab diagnosis.

I feel so tired today...depression? I feel fearful...uncertainty? I feel overwhelmed...worry? Could I be more different than I was in my last post?

On top of all that, my mama is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. I got that call this morning while still reeling from the probable diabetes diagnosis. I hate to even type that word...diabetes. I can't think straight, from all this new developement in my life.

School is about to begin and along with the normal chaos, Micah will be home schooling this year. I am sure that after a long talk with myself, I will rally and be fine...I always am, but today, I am just not myself...at all.

Still, I decided to take this bull by the horns, starting this morning. I have lost 21 lbs. since my last check up and that is good, so I decided that I would do my aerobics this morning, in hopes of losing more weight and maybe turn this thing around...50 minutes worth. I also had Splenda in my coffee, but that is the easy part. I now have to learn HOW to eat and what to eat and when to eat and what to stay away from...confusing, at best.

I know millions live with diabetes and have a pretty normal life...I am having to adjust to this "new" normal. I fully expect to experience anger at some point, along with the fear, depression, and worry, just don't know when. Although I know this is manageable, I am not happy about it and I am just kicking myself for putting everyone else ahead of me and letting myself get into this run-down, stressed out, chronic diabetic, shape. I should have taken better care of ME!

Well, thanks for coming to my Party! Hate it was so depressing and troubling, but that is my sentiment today. Hopefully, the next post will see the person that wrote on the 30th of June... all smiles and optimistic about the future...today, I just don't have it in me. Sorry...just full of regret, today.

Life is Good!

I am on top of the world today!

Today, I am excited to be alive. I have had a whirlwind summer filled with swim practices and swim meets, VBS, summer school (argh!), sleepovers, lawn mowing, vacation, being taxi to my parents, holiday celebrations, buying school supplies...the list goes on.

As I was reflecting on the last couple of months, I realized how very much I love my life. I love the change of seasons and all the delightful splendor they bring with them. I love that there are challenges to be faced that once endured or overcome, make me a stronger person with a deeper, richer character. I love having time to spend with my children, knowing that sooner than I would like to think, they will be starting out on their own path in life. I love spending time with my parents, gleaning knowledge and wisdom that only persons of their 86 and 90 years can provide. I love that I can find joy and beauty in every. single. day that God allows me to wake up to a fresh start, breathe in and out all day long, and lay my head on my pillow at night, resting in His care and protection. I love that I am such a very blessed woman to have been spared soooo many of life's tragedies...to the point that I am almost 50 years old and I have never experienced real sorrow or excruciating, painful loss.

I love living each day just to experience the wonders that life has to offer. I realize that attitude makes all the difference in how well I live and how much I enjoy, what life has dealt me.

I have hopes and dreams, but if I never achieve making those become reality, I will still say at the end of my life that is has been a good one and that I enjoyed every single minute of it...good and bad. All the life experiences have melded together to make me who and what I am and I can truly say that I like being me!

Yes,I am on top of the world today. Tomorrow may find me in a valley or even a deep, dark pit, but today...I am celebrating life!

How Would You Like To Run Into This?

Here you can see the female (center) with two males at the top of the web. They are small. Wonder what happens to them after mating....dinner maybe?

Weird photography where I centered the spider on Callie's nose!

Same on Micah.

Wrong picture...sorry! Out of focus, but these are the same female and two males from above.

A wasp or beetle in her web for scale. She was HUGE!

Antlers for additional scale. These spiders were everywhere at my Aunt's pond a couple of years ago and they grow big...well at least the females do!

The Golden Orb Weavers build large, semi-permanent orb webs. The strong silk has a golden sheen. These spiders remain in their webs day and night and gain some protection from bird attack by the presence of a 'barrier network' of threads on one or both sides of the orb web. Sometimes their strong webs manage to trap small birds or bats, and the spider will wrap them and feed upon them. Commoner prey items include flies, beetles, locusts, wood moths and cicadas. Golden Silk Orb Weavers are large spiders (body 2-4 cm) with silvery-grey to plum coloured bodies and brown-black, often yellow banded legs. The males are tiny (5 mm) and red-brown to brown in colour. This spider belongs to the Tetragnathidae (longjawed orbweavers) family.Nephila clavipes is the only species in the Nephila genus that exists in the USA.

Tips for Parenting...and Grandparenting!

Tips for teaching your children how the media works, can trick them
By Aisha Sultan
St. Louis Post-Dispatch


I often talk to parents about teaching their children to become critical consumers of mass media, and I found these tips to be smart and helpful:

The average American child watches two to three hours of TV a day, and that doesn’t include the time they spend playing video games, sitting in front of the computer, and watching movies. Yet, few children are taught how to decode the messages that come wrapped in the media. Ellen Besen, an animator, author, and teacher, offers this help for parents and teachers:*

RECOGNIZE THE MOST BASIC CAMERA TRICK. “Framing,” the way that a camera focuses on a particular element or scene is often use to distort or enhance reality. For example, the shot of a crowd cheering or jeering a particular celebrity or politician that overflows the edges of the screen gives the impression of a mass turnout. Yet, if the camera were pulled back a little it could reveal a largely empty stadium or a relatively sedate street. “Teach your kids that what they don’t see if often as important as what they do, especially when their watching news or reality TV” says Besen.

* DO YOU REALLY WANT SHOE POLISH ON YOUR BROWNIES? Familiarize yourself with the ways in which many consumer products, especially food, are doctored to make them more appealing. Foods are often coated with paint, shoe polish, or oil to make them look brighter and more enticing. Also, portions sizes are often exaggerated.

* TURN OFF THE SOUND OCCASIONALLY. We often forget that with visual media there’s much more at work than the visuals. Encourage kids to notice the difference sound effects and music make in how they perceive what they are seeing by watching something first with sound and then without it. Then, encourage them to watch and listen for the effect of rhythm on perception. Rhythm can come from such elements as music or camera moves and can be used to make a story seem more exiting or more important.

* PLAYING ON FANTASIES. Ask your kids to think about what desires or fantasies certain ads tap into. For example, think of the SUV commercial that has the driver tearing off the road into the wilderness or the toothpaste commercial that ends with a beautiful woman fawning over a man.

* POW! CRASH! WHAM! DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN FAKE AND REAL VIOLENCE. It’s particularly important to remind kids of just how highly staged most of what they see on TV is, especially when they’re seeing violence. Make it clear to them that fight scenes are among the most choreographed and manufactured and that while violence on TV or in the movies doesn’t leave lasting destruction, in real life it does.

Grace no longer in the upper building!

National Award for physical fitness...can you find Gracie?

Here she is, looking none too happy. I think she was a little jealous that Callie was getting so much attention.

Mrs. Audrey presenting the National Award to Gracie.

This picture is the best I could get of Grace's recognition for AB Honor Roll. Granddaddy was leaning against my legs to support his back, so standing to aim the camera was impossible!

Grace' class entering the gym for Honors Day festivities. She was not her happy self that day.

Last Friday was also Honors Day at school for the Elementary grades. Our Grace received honors for AB Honor Roll and she earned a National Award for physical fitness.

At Fort Dale, grades 1-4 are in the upper building where the office and library are located. Once the students are promoted into the 5th grade, they move to the lower building where they begin to prepare for Jr. High school. Next year, Gracie will have a locker! That is such big stuff, do you remember how big that is? Also, she will begin moving from two different rooms for classes. In 4th grade they spent 1/2 the day with one teacher and the other 1/2 with the second teacher preparing them to learn to take all that they would need for the other classes with them. Next year, she will have two classes with Mrs. Denise, break, two classes with Mrs. Lacey, lunch, P.E. with Coach Anderson, then one final class with each respective teacher again. This readies them for 9th grade when they will have a different teacher for every class. I love how Fort Dale works to prepare them step by step for the adjustments ahead!

So next year, for the first time since we began our academic endeavors at Fort Dale, I will no longer have a child in the upper building. I have no more babies, people. They have grown into young people. It is so very bittersweet, this journey of parenthood....

Callie is in Jr. High School

After graduation party at "Old Mexico" for lunch, then on to see the movie "Earth". These are some of Callie's BFF! Sarah, Callee, Shelby, Bethany, and Lexie.

AB Honor Roll Students

The highlight of the day...Granddaddy and Grandmama were able to attend!

Callie , Sarah, Shelby, and Bethany-BFF!

Callie receives her diploma from Headmaster, Mr. David Brantley.

National Award for physical fitness.

Oops! A duplicate picture of Honor Roll Students.

Last Friday, Callie graduated from Elementary school to Jr. High. I am having a tough time with the loss of my babies.

She is almost as tall as I now and so much the little lady. She has grown tall and lithe and really looks much older than the 12 years, that she is. Such a pretty girl, if I say so myself and she smiled the entire time...she was so proud and so was I.

She was inducted into the Jr. Beta Club for scholastic excellence and was presented with a National Award in the Physical Fitness Program. She was also acknowledged for earning a place on the AB Honor Roll. It was quite a day! The best part...Granddaddy and Grandmama got to be there to see all of this.

After graduation, the fifth grade had prepared a reception for the graduates and their families. We got the Grands on their way and we headed out with the entire class to "Old Mexico" for lunch before going to the movie theater to view "Earth". It was a fun-filled, action-packed, very tiring, but most rewarding day for us all.

She is still a tenderhearted, soft-spoken, girl for the most part, but the teenage hormones are certainly at work sharpening her attitude, tongue, and temper.

Still, what a blessing she has been to us. She is the sweetness in our family!

Micah is 15...unbelievable!

Notice the mustache on his upper lip! Notice the cake does not have a car on it; that comes next year at 16!

We celebrated quietly, at home with a cake that I made and decorated. Life is just so busy at birthday time for all my children. Too much "end of the year" activities for a big celebration.

He got a truck for his birthday. He is responsible for half the payments. We will hold the title unless he wants to earn enough to pay the entire amount owed for the truck. Hopefully,this will be a life lesson in responsibility for him.

He is almost as tall as I now. I can't believe how quickly the years have swept past! Seems like yesterday, he was a baby. In my mind, I can still see him so clearly, toddling around the house. In just one more short year, he will be driving and we will see very little of him, I am sure.

Regret for things not done, flood my mind. Remorse for acts committed that I wish I could travel time and change, creep in uninvited. However, I realize the futility of those emotions. My best bet is to look ahead and move forward, correcting as many of those mistakes as is possible and in doing so, pour as much love, acceptance, appreciation, and praise onto all of my children, as often as I am able.

He is on the verge of becoming a man and I know what a good person he is. I hope that the good traits I have exhibited will be what sticks with him and that somehow, he will be able to look past the less desirable, leaving those behind, on his journey through life.

He is my firstborn, my only son, my wonderful man/boy and I can only hope that he always knows and feels, how very much his mama loves him.

Happy birthday, my handsome, young fellow!

Catching up!

I have not been remiss in my posting....my computer is not wanting to download my photos and I didn't want to post without pictures, soooo...

We enjoyed Mother's Day with my mama at her home. Everyone was there except Patty, who lives very far away. She called and we appreciated the gorgeous bouquet of roses she sent to Mama. They were breath-takingly beautiful and smelled so good.

So I will start with the pictures I took of our celebration of the day with Mama.