Welcome to my Pity Party!
I reread my post on June 30th and wondered if I could be any different from that person who exuded joy in trial and faith and trust in adversity. My life was no rosier then than it is now, but we have had some strange turn of events that have altered, hopefully temporarily, my state of mind.
At a yearly check up with my doctor, he asked the usual questions and I obliged him with my answers and at the end of the conversation, he told me that he believes me to be diabetic. I was shocked, to say the least. I must admit that a couple of weeks ago, I made mention to Michael that I wondered if I might have diabetes, but he helped me explain away any symptoms I was exhibiting and I readily agreed with him and so, had put it out of my mind. I won't know with any certainty until the lab work is completed, but I trust my doctor and he has never been wrong before with his pre-lab diagnosis.
I feel so tired today...depression? I feel fearful...uncertainty? I feel overwhelmed...worry? Could I be more different than I was in my last post?
On top of all that, my mama is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. I got that call this morning while still reeling from the probable diabetes diagnosis. I hate to even type that word...diabetes. I can't think straight, from all this new developement in my life.
School is about to begin and along with the normal chaos, Micah will be home schooling this year. I am sure that after a long talk with myself, I will rally and be fine...I always am, but today, I am just not myself...at all.
Still, I decided to take this bull by the horns, starting this morning. I have lost 21 lbs. since my last check up and that is good, so I decided that I would do my aerobics this morning, in hopes of losing more weight and maybe turn this thing around...50 minutes worth. I also had Splenda in my coffee, but that is the easy part. I now have to learn HOW to eat and what to eat and when to eat and what to stay away from...confusing, at best.
I know millions live with diabetes and have a pretty normal life...I am having to adjust to this "new" normal. I fully expect to experience anger at some point, along with the fear, depression, and worry, just don't know when. Although I know this is manageable, I am not happy about it and I am just kicking myself for putting everyone else ahead of me and letting myself get into this run-down, stressed out, chronic diabetic, shape. I should have taken better care of ME!
Well, thanks for coming to my Party! Hate it was so depressing and troubling, but that is my sentiment today. Hopefully, the next post will see the person that wrote on the 30th of June... all smiles and optimistic about the future...today, I just don't have it in me. Sorry...just full of regret, today.
7 comments:
All I can say is that I love you and I am here when you need me---to talk or cry. I know this is devastating to you right now but hopefully with time and steps taken, you will find everything will be better. We 'mamas' tend to put everyone else first and ourselves last. Take care of YOU now and feel better for YOU!! When I have my pity party, will you come? Good!!!! Ellen
Little sis it's okay to have a pity party from time to time. Just don't "party" too much or for too long. You will come to grips with this and feel like you did before ... thankful to be alive and joyous about your life. As I said earlier, just make this your wake-up call and start taking better care of YOU! And in time you'll be thankful that the diagnoses was only diabetes and not some stage four cancer. I know you can't see that right now but you will. And I'll be here for you every step of the way! I love you my sister, my friend!
J
You know you can't change the past. You have to make new decisions about your health from here on, so that you won't look back with regret again. Stress in your life can also make diabetes worse and more difficult to control - so work on that, too. You are so good at journaling. I hope that you can use it to help your new day!
I am sorry to hear about your possible diagnosis. I know that diabetes can be a scary thing to hear, however, it is almost always easily controlled. I will keep you in my prayers! Just know that God has a purpose for you and a reason for everything under His sun! Love to you and yours,
S
Hey there. Pity parties are OK as long as they don't last very long. J is right, as distressing as this diagnosis might be it is treatable and contollable. Ashley and J certainly can give you some advice and I know your doc will more than likely have you go to a dietician for counseling. You are so right. You have to now concentrate on taking care of you. It's your turn. Love you baby sis.
I have 3 diabetic cookbooks I am happy to share with you and many receipes I have been using to get you started. I understand all diabetics are different and respond to food in different ways but I am happy to share with you my experiences. I too am very scared about developing type 2 as I have been diabetic with all my pregnancies and have a very high chance of late onset. I hope your diagnosis is not diabetes but if it is I know you will find a way to work through it and manage this.
Hi Laura,
I'm visiting for the porch party - even though it's 8 days past! ha! I'm making my way through them though and having a ball!
I'm sorry that you're down. I'm so glad I popped over so I could pray for you. Just keep trusting in the Lord and doing your part. The newness of it is probably what feels overwhelming - you think?
Have you seen the documentary film A Beautiful Truth? I highly recommend it. Netflix has it for instant play. It might encourage you. It sure did me.
Blessings friend,
Praying...
Lynnette
Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground
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