The Time of Your Life

Autumn. It is my favorite time of year and it is approaching. I am revived and renewed by her cool, crisp nights, and days that feature white, fluffy clouds dancing with the wind in a bluer-than-blue sky. I begin to anticipate the changing colors that bedeck the trees and foliage, the pumpkins, apples, and squash that thrive in the cool temperatures of autumn. She plays hostess to my favorite holidays and I am looking forward to autumn's arrival. There is nothing wrong with that, but...

I realized recently, that I spend a lot of time anticipating things in my life and waiting for things to happen. I waste too much time allowing circimstance to dictate the outcome of my future. I have just eased along life's road and taken what was dealt me without question, without pause, without argument. Oh, I may have mumbled under my breath, but never uttered an audible word.

So, in essence, I have given away my power to happenstance. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but it happened. I got lost in the shuffle of my life and the chaos that surrounds it. I lost my best friend - me.

The good news is, I am finding her again. The bad news is, she is not the same as the younger version I left behind. It is a whole new relationship that I must forge with her. I do not know this person as well as the person she was before, but I am liking her.

She is not aggressive like the other Girl, but she is more assertive. She is not an angry person who can lose her cool in an instant, but she is more even tempered and shows more respect for those she loves. This new girl is less afraid of living her life instead of existing in it as the other Girl did. She is an adult and not afraid to act like one. She is so much more the person that I want to be. She still has some learning and growing to do, but I really like this person.

I have decided that I have to take care of me. What a silly thing to have to state, in writing or out loud, but I am so good at putting myself last, allowing everyone and everything to take precedence and it has been to my detriment. My diabetes has proven to me that I, and I alone can do what has to be done for me. I MUST do it to live a normal, healthy life. Some may find me selfish and to them I say yes, yes I am. Because I must be to regain and maintain my health.

So, my new mantra is ~ It is my diabetes, it is my life. That is to say, that I fully understand that I contributed to my disease, but I am taking charge of my life to control and manage it, from this point on.

I am focusing on living in the here and now because today, this day is the time of my life and I intend to make the most of it.