I have lost some very important facets of my life this week and I have gained some as well.

Two dear friends of mine have both lost their dads very suddenly within two days of each other. I can't help wondering why. Why my daddy is still here at 92 and their dads are gone having only been in their 70's. I will miss my daddy when that time comes, but it is no secret that daddy is not an easy man to get close to and that even though we love each other, we have never had that close, wonderful relationship that I always dreamed of sharing with him. These two friends did have that special bond and on the one hand, that makes losing their dad all the more difficult. On the other hand, it also affords them priceless memories of times shared that will sustain them in the absence of their fathers. It seems a decent trade-off. I will miss my daddy when he is gone, but not like they will grieve the loss of theirs. The close bond my friends experienced with their dads will take a greater toll on them as they make their way through uncharted territory without his guidance and wisdom to lean on. They will most likely struggle for a long time with a void in their lives that aches to be filled, for which there is no substitute. I can't see that being the case with me. I may be wrong and it may devastate me far more than I would like to admit, but there is a certain "disconnect" of emotions for me where daddy is concerned. I don't rely on him for advice in fact, I don't often agree with him on many issues. I don't share intimate details of my life with him, nor he with me. We just never were able to really connect and people tell me it is never too late, but unless both parties are willing it won't happen.