Three Weeks From Today

At this very hour, three weeks from today, I will be hugging and kissing my soldier son!  He will have completed qualifications for becoming a soldier and will only have graduation to complete before becoming one of America's finest defenders.  I could not be more proud of him. 

I sent a boy to Basic Combat Training and in his stead a full-fledged man will return.  He has grown and changed so much.  His letters attest to the evolution that has taken place to transform him from the former to the latter. 

I must admit that as excited as I am to see him, I am somewhat nervous, as well.  Although my heart tells me he is my son and our bond is stronger than any amount of distance could destroy, my head tells me he will not be the same person and there is some anxiety about reaquainting myself with him as the new man. 

In my wildest imagination, I could never have guessed that I would find these last few weeks to be harder than the first.  I suspect initially I was in shock or denial, but as reality set in, I found myself reclusive and depressed, clinging to each letter from him as if it were the last shred of his essence I would encounter.  That has given way to fluctuating emotions; a full spectrum of feelings from anger, sorrow, grief, excitement, joy, trepidation, pride, and always, always love.

We are in the home stretch now and barring any injuries or illness, he will graduate and come home very soon.  I expect a call in two weeks and am so anticipating hearing his voice and being able to actually speak with him for the first time since June.

I plan to give him a welcome home that is fit for a soldier returning from war.  Banners, signs, smiles, hugs, kisses, and love, lots of love! 

HOOAH!

First Day of Summer

My girls are enjoying spending time with their daddy this summer.  Micah is off at Basic so they have him all to themselves all day, every day.  They have been swimming, shopping, playing in the yard, and actually getting a little work done, as well.

I am keeping up with Micah as best I can through a blog that is on Facebook.  Bravo Company completed rappelling Victory Tower yesterday.  They have been issued guns, are marching, and got a couple of PT sessions under their belts.  I am so proud of him I could just burst!

My supervisor is leaving.  Tomorrow is her last day.  I am very sad about that because she has been a great boss. She has been so understanding and helpful.  I am sure that her replacement will do just as good a job as she, but I will still miss her tremendously.

It is officially the first day of summer.  It will be gone before we know it. 

My Soldier, My Son

Micah left on Monday, June 11, 2012 headed for Gunter Air Force Base to prepare for Basic Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina.  I was under the impression that I would probably receive a phone call from him each Sunday.  We were so very wrong.  He called me Thursday, June 14, 2012 and that will be the last time I hear his voice until his 9th week of Basic, one week before his graduation.  He truly left here a boy and will emerge as a man upon his return. 

I am so proud of him.  I am so concerned about him.  I am so missing him.  I love him more than words can say.  It is the most awful bag of mixed emotions for me.  I am flip-flopping from one to another at any given moment.  The thing that helps me keep it together is thinking of the adjusting and the difficulty he must be experiencing.  Mine pales in comparison.  I think he is so incredibly brave.  To leave home, knowing you can't come back until the time is up.  To leave all that is familiar and venture into the unknown at such a young age, is far more than I considered when I was 18 and a Senior in high school.

In 9th grade, Micah was drifting and had no real direction in life.  We were quite concerned about his lack of initiative and planning for his future.  Once he began JROTC, he was off and running.  He had a plan, a purpose, a goal, a path, and a means to get where he wanted to go.  We could not be prouder of him and we believe he chose wisely when he decided to get a jumpstart with the Army.  He is being all he can be and he is Army Strong!  I guess, that means I have to be as well.  After all, I am officially and Army Mom, now.

Pins and Needles

Micah is scheduled to see an Oncology Hematologist on Thursday and I am a bit uneasy about it.  I am certainly hoping for the best and praying the worst doesn't come. 

I find it strange that something cancerous would come on suddenly like this, but it still has me somewhat concerned.

My prayer is that if it is some form of cancer, that it is easily treatable and that I get to keep my family intact.

Pins and needles...

Perhaps I am Hypersensitive

My son came home yesterday.  His numbers have or are regulating, but he is understandably tired and weak from his ordeal.  He was finally diagnosed with some sort of viral infection that still has his spleen slightly enlarged.  Any jarring of even the slightest nature causes pain in his abdomen just from the sensitivity of the enlarged organ.
He is supposed to attend Forestry Camp next week and the Basic Training the following week.  The prospect of these two events have me a bit unnerved.  I am not so sure he is up to camp much less Basic.  The doctors gave strict instructions that he was to be involved in no contact sport or strenuous activity for three to six months.  How is he going to make it through Basic?
He says he is fine and I am being over protective, but my best mama instincts are telling me to keep him home and let him heal.
His Sargeant is coming to evaluate him today and make a report.  Hopefully, he will see things my way. 

I Wish It Was Me

I wish it was me lying in the hospital bed. I wish it was me whose immunity was near non-existent. I wish it was me who had to drink the contrasting dye for a CT scan. I wish it was me who was "more scared than I have ever been in my life".

But it is not me.  It is my son. My eighteen year old son who has just gotten his life mapped out.  My young man who has decided to serve his country. I am now wondering if this will effect his ability to do that. I don't think that thought has pervaded his young, invincible mindset. I hope it won't be necessary.

In the wee hours of the morning as reality began to sink in, he told me he had never been so scared in his life. I am thankful he can tell me such secrets of the heart, but I think it is the most heart breaking thing I have ever heard him say.

I must admit...I am just a little scared, too.

I just wish it was me...

Short Timing

Time is running short.  I really would like to slow it down.  I feel very blessed that my children have opted to hang out at home for the most part, with only sporadic stints of being away at camp or spending the night with friends.  The vast majority of the time, they invite their friends to our home and I love that.

But school is winding down and we have reached our last week before summer break.  Normally, I love summer's more relaxed routine and lazy days that stretch into the late evening hours, but this summer begins with Micah attending Forestry Camp for a week and upon his return he will immediately go to drill in Montgomery and at the end of that on Sunday, he begins to prepare to leave for 10 weeks of Basic Training.  I am missing him already.

I know it is good preparation for when he leaves home to make his way in the world and I feel truly blessed that things are working out as they are.  I will have him for one more year of school, next summer he will attend AIT, and then he will be home on many weekends once he starts school at Marion Institute, so I am going to have plenty of time to adjust to his absence, but I am wondering if there is ever enough time to get used to the idea that your child is gone. 

It seems unfair that just as he and I are developing a very good relationship, after all the angst of the teenage years, that he is going to be leaving home.  I know it is as it should be, but that does not make it one bit easier for me to let him go. 

I have loved every minute of being a mama and I have never regretted the decision to do so, but had I known the sadness that accompanies the joy would I have still made that choice?  Absolutely! The good, the joy, the happiness, the achievements, the pride, the fun, and the love have been worth every bit of sorrow, angst, frustration, challenge, and difficulty.

Becoming a mama is one of my greatest achievements and I am beyond proud of my children.  They are great kids and I love them with every fiber of my being.  They have my whole heart.

My soldier has my respect, my admiration, my gratitude, my support, and most importantly, my love, always and forever, no matter what life brings.  I hope he knows that he can always come home and he will be welcomed with open arms and all the love in my heart.

God's blessings on you my son!