Honor and Respect in the Golden Years

My life (and the lives of my siblings) has been overtaken by the care of our parents, as of late. In the last few years, it has come in spurts, but when it hits, it REALLY takes over our existence as we know it.

My Mama is 86 and my Daddy is about to be 91 in October. What an accomplishment! To be on this earth that long and still be living independently! They are in good shape for their ages and until something goes wrong, they require little assistance. I might have to go change a light bulb that Mama can't reach without climbing on something, etc., but for the most part they are amazingly independent of us.

But as time marches on, they need us more and more. Following a surgery or one of Daddy's accidents, we are there 24/7 caring for them. It is tiring. Let me be honest...it is exhausting. The worry, being on call even when it is not your time to sit with them, the errands, the medication that needs to be administered all. day. long., taking care of their needs and comforts, scheduling our lives around when we need to relieve someone of their shift as caregiver...the list is endless and it is as emotionally taxing as it is physically. But we are there!

We are there, because we love, honor, and respect our parents. Surely, the inconveniences that we caused them, the stress, the strain of raising and supporting 6 children was just as great for them, as our care for them becomes at times, now for us. And not just us, but our children as well. They have invested time in the lives of our little ones, helping to shape them into the wonderful people they are. So it is with a glad heart and a spirit of gratitude for all they contributed to our well-being for all those years, that we freely give our time and attention to them, in these golden years of their lives.

However, we are not spring chickens anymore ourselves and the strain begins to wear us down, as the time drags on and they still need us there. So we have made the decision to seek out assistance. It is a difficult thing for my parents to accept that they need someone there with them, but WE need to feel that they are safe and have someone there to make certain they are doing well. We all have obligations that pull us away from them, children, jobs, life in general, that require us to be able to get back to some sort of normalcy.

So here we are. As my sister says, "It is, what it is" and this is our reality. We can only do the best that we know to do and for now, it is to seek out help, in order to allow them to keep their independence and live together in the home they have shared for over 50 years.

To my siblings...God bless you all for what you do and all you have done for Mama and Daddy. I truly don't know what an only child would do in our situation, but I am sooooo grateful that I don't have to know that first hand. In the midst of this latest turmoil, I know that you tried not to overburden me, because of my recent diagnosis. I know you have taken on the "lion's share" of the labor of love in caring for Mama and Daddy. Words are inadequate to express the appreciation that is in my heart. You made this time so much easier for me and I know that had to be so much more difficult on you. There is not enough I can even begin to say to thank you for your love and support of me. You are the best and I am so blessed to have you in my life.

As I have said before (and maybe,to remind myself)there will come a day when this will all be over and I know that I will wish with all my heart that I could take care of Mama and Daddy once again. As difficult as it can be at times, I know I will miss this so much, when they are gone.

The Time of Your Life

Autumn. It is my favorite time of year and it is approaching. I am revived and renewed by her cool, crisp nights, and days that feature white, fluffy clouds dancing with the wind in a bluer-than-blue sky. I begin to anticipate the changing colors that bedeck the trees and foliage, the pumpkins, apples, and squash that thrive in the cool temperatures of autumn. She plays hostess to my favorite holidays and I am looking forward to autumn's arrival. There is nothing wrong with that, but...

I realized recently, that I spend a lot of time anticipating things in my life and waiting for things to happen. I waste too much time allowing circimstance to dictate the outcome of my future. I have just eased along life's road and taken what was dealt me without question, without pause, without argument. Oh, I may have mumbled under my breath, but never uttered an audible word.

So, in essence, I have given away my power to happenstance. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but it happened. I got lost in the shuffle of my life and the chaos that surrounds it. I lost my best friend - me.

The good news is, I am finding her again. The bad news is, she is not the same as the younger version I left behind. It is a whole new relationship that I must forge with her. I do not know this person as well as the person she was before, but I am liking her.

She is not aggressive like the other Girl, but she is more assertive. She is not an angry person who can lose her cool in an instant, but she is more even tempered and shows more respect for those she loves. This new girl is less afraid of living her life instead of existing in it as the other Girl did. She is an adult and not afraid to act like one. She is so much more the person that I want to be. She still has some learning and growing to do, but I really like this person.

I have decided that I have to take care of me. What a silly thing to have to state, in writing or out loud, but I am so good at putting myself last, allowing everyone and everything to take precedence and it has been to my detriment. My diabetes has proven to me that I, and I alone can do what has to be done for me. I MUST do it to live a normal, healthy life. Some may find me selfish and to them I say yes, yes I am. Because I must be to regain and maintain my health.

So, my new mantra is ~ It is my diabetes, it is my life. That is to say, that I fully understand that I contributed to my disease, but I am taking charge of my life to control and manage it, from this point on.

I am focusing on living in the here and now because today, this day is the time of my life and I intend to make the most of it.

I am still not used to the idea that I am a diabetic, but it is growing on me. I am adjusting to the daily finger pricks, but the execise it not coming along like it should. The food thing, well, that is another story entirely. I don't know how many carbs I am supposed to have a day,

How Quickly Life Changes...

Welcome to my Pity Party!

I reread my post on June 30th and wondered if I could be any different from that person who exuded joy in trial and faith and trust in adversity. My life was no rosier then than it is now, but we have had some strange turn of events that have altered, hopefully temporarily, my state of mind.

At a yearly check up with my doctor, he asked the usual questions and I obliged him with my answers and at the end of the conversation, he told me that he believes me to be diabetic. I was shocked, to say the least. I must admit that a couple of weeks ago, I made mention to Michael that I wondered if I might have diabetes, but he helped me explain away any symptoms I was exhibiting and I readily agreed with him and so, had put it out of my mind. I won't know with any certainty until the lab work is completed, but I trust my doctor and he has never been wrong before with his pre-lab diagnosis.

I feel so tired today...depression? I feel fearful...uncertainty? I feel overwhelmed...worry? Could I be more different than I was in my last post?

On top of all that, my mama is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. I got that call this morning while still reeling from the probable diabetes diagnosis. I hate to even type that word...diabetes. I can't think straight, from all this new developement in my life.

School is about to begin and along with the normal chaos, Micah will be home schooling this year. I am sure that after a long talk with myself, I will rally and be fine...I always am, but today, I am just not myself...at all.

Still, I decided to take this bull by the horns, starting this morning. I have lost 21 lbs. since my last check up and that is good, so I decided that I would do my aerobics this morning, in hopes of losing more weight and maybe turn this thing around...50 minutes worth. I also had Splenda in my coffee, but that is the easy part. I now have to learn HOW to eat and what to eat and when to eat and what to stay away from...confusing, at best.

I know millions live with diabetes and have a pretty normal life...I am having to adjust to this "new" normal. I fully expect to experience anger at some point, along with the fear, depression, and worry, just don't know when. Although I know this is manageable, I am not happy about it and I am just kicking myself for putting everyone else ahead of me and letting myself get into this run-down, stressed out, chronic diabetic, shape. I should have taken better care of ME!

Well, thanks for coming to my Party! Hate it was so depressing and troubling, but that is my sentiment today. Hopefully, the next post will see the person that wrote on the 30th of June... all smiles and optimistic about the future...today, I just don't have it in me. Sorry...just full of regret, today.

Life is Good!

I am on top of the world today!

Today, I am excited to be alive. I have had a whirlwind summer filled with swim practices and swim meets, VBS, summer school (argh!), sleepovers, lawn mowing, vacation, being taxi to my parents, holiday celebrations, buying school supplies...the list goes on.

As I was reflecting on the last couple of months, I realized how very much I love my life. I love the change of seasons and all the delightful splendor they bring with them. I love that there are challenges to be faced that once endured or overcome, make me a stronger person with a deeper, richer character. I love having time to spend with my children, knowing that sooner than I would like to think, they will be starting out on their own path in life. I love spending time with my parents, gleaning knowledge and wisdom that only persons of their 86 and 90 years can provide. I love that I can find joy and beauty in every. single. day that God allows me to wake up to a fresh start, breathe in and out all day long, and lay my head on my pillow at night, resting in His care and protection. I love that I am such a very blessed woman to have been spared soooo many of life's tragedies...to the point that I am almost 50 years old and I have never experienced real sorrow or excruciating, painful loss.

I love living each day just to experience the wonders that life has to offer. I realize that attitude makes all the difference in how well I live and how much I enjoy, what life has dealt me.

I have hopes and dreams, but if I never achieve making those become reality, I will still say at the end of my life that is has been a good one and that I enjoyed every single minute of it...good and bad. All the life experiences have melded together to make me who and what I am and I can truly say that I like being me!

Yes,I am on top of the world today. Tomorrow may find me in a valley or even a deep, dark pit, but today...I am celebrating life!

How Would You Like To Run Into This?

Here you can see the female (center) with two males at the top of the web. They are small. Wonder what happens to them after mating....dinner maybe?

Weird photography where I centered the spider on Callie's nose!

Same on Micah.

Wrong picture...sorry! Out of focus, but these are the same female and two males from above.

A wasp or beetle in her web for scale. She was HUGE!

Antlers for additional scale. These spiders were everywhere at my Aunt's pond a couple of years ago and they grow big...well at least the females do!

The Golden Orb Weavers build large, semi-permanent orb webs. The strong silk has a golden sheen. These spiders remain in their webs day and night and gain some protection from bird attack by the presence of a 'barrier network' of threads on one or both sides of the orb web. Sometimes their strong webs manage to trap small birds or bats, and the spider will wrap them and feed upon them. Commoner prey items include flies, beetles, locusts, wood moths and cicadas. Golden Silk Orb Weavers are large spiders (body 2-4 cm) with silvery-grey to plum coloured bodies and brown-black, often yellow banded legs. The males are tiny (5 mm) and red-brown to brown in colour. This spider belongs to the Tetragnathidae (longjawed orbweavers) family.Nephila clavipes is the only species in the Nephila genus that exists in the USA.

Tips for Parenting...and Grandparenting!

Tips for teaching your children how the media works, can trick them
By Aisha Sultan
St. Louis Post-Dispatch


I often talk to parents about teaching their children to become critical consumers of mass media, and I found these tips to be smart and helpful:

The average American child watches two to three hours of TV a day, and that doesn’t include the time they spend playing video games, sitting in front of the computer, and watching movies. Yet, few children are taught how to decode the messages that come wrapped in the media. Ellen Besen, an animator, author, and teacher, offers this help for parents and teachers:*

RECOGNIZE THE MOST BASIC CAMERA TRICK. “Framing,” the way that a camera focuses on a particular element or scene is often use to distort or enhance reality. For example, the shot of a crowd cheering or jeering a particular celebrity or politician that overflows the edges of the screen gives the impression of a mass turnout. Yet, if the camera were pulled back a little it could reveal a largely empty stadium or a relatively sedate street. “Teach your kids that what they don’t see if often as important as what they do, especially when their watching news or reality TV” says Besen.

* DO YOU REALLY WANT SHOE POLISH ON YOUR BROWNIES? Familiarize yourself with the ways in which many consumer products, especially food, are doctored to make them more appealing. Foods are often coated with paint, shoe polish, or oil to make them look brighter and more enticing. Also, portions sizes are often exaggerated.

* TURN OFF THE SOUND OCCASIONALLY. We often forget that with visual media there’s much more at work than the visuals. Encourage kids to notice the difference sound effects and music make in how they perceive what they are seeing by watching something first with sound and then without it. Then, encourage them to watch and listen for the effect of rhythm on perception. Rhythm can come from such elements as music or camera moves and can be used to make a story seem more exiting or more important.

* PLAYING ON FANTASIES. Ask your kids to think about what desires or fantasies certain ads tap into. For example, think of the SUV commercial that has the driver tearing off the road into the wilderness or the toothpaste commercial that ends with a beautiful woman fawning over a man.

* POW! CRASH! WHAM! DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN FAKE AND REAL VIOLENCE. It’s particularly important to remind kids of just how highly staged most of what they see on TV is, especially when they’re seeing violence. Make it clear to them that fight scenes are among the most choreographed and manufactured and that while violence on TV or in the movies doesn’t leave lasting destruction, in real life it does.