Today, I struggle.
Some days are better and those have been recurring more often lately, but some days are just a struggle to get through. I want to crawl into my bed and snuggle in for a long nap until things are better.
It seems this endless cycle of ups and downs is going to continue for a while longer. What has it been? Three years? Three years of this? I never thought I would be able to survive this long under this tremendous pressure, but I find myself still alive and still kicking, although at times, barely.
The counselor has determined that I am depressed and she believes I will benefit from antidepressant medications. I guess I am willing to try. I figure it can't hurt.
I am weary of the belt tightening ever more and the constant struggle to stay afloat in this ecomony. We are going to apply for the EBT program. The worst that could happen is we are turned down. I really hate the thought of being on public support, but knowing we can feed the family will be a relief and we will be less strapped for funds each month until we can get on our feet again. I have to keep reminding myself that it is only a temporary thing.
I am trying to keep my attitude positive. I am realizing how little worry accomplishes. My circumstance remains the same whether I worry about it or not. Positive action where I am able to take it, is the only thing that does. Handing over to God the things that are out of my control is the only option. I am not a super human and I do not have supernatural powers to control my universe. This is a hard fact for me to accept, but I know it to be true.
Just have to put one foot in front of the other, breathe in and out all day, and do what is within my power to keep my world together. I am forced to rely on others for what I cannot do alone.
Hard life lessons that I am attempting to pass along to my children. No man is an island. We need each other.
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